Manly Mike

manly_mike-300We all know this fellow. He’s that guy that when most of us were in high school seemed to have pussy running hot and cold. Not only was he able to catch women out of thin air, he also seemed to be catching every baseball football and basketball. He was the epitome of macho, and to the women he seemed sweeter than a German Chocolate Cake. This same guy has followed us onto our adult lives, perhaps you’re best friends with him right now. He’s Manly Mike.

Manly Mike didn’t exactly start right out of the gate being able to pick up women. First, he probably started off as the same ninety pound weakling that everyone else was and most still are to this day. Despite what people would like to believe thanks to television and movies, he was sitting in the back of the gymnasium during the school dances and would hem and haw when it came to talking about women.

But then something happened one day early on in his development. You see, early on in puberty a goddamn lightning bolt hit Mike’s pituitary gland and shot his physical appearance up to almost Herculean levels. He grew and grew until you could build foundations for houses on his muscles. He’s a big son of a bitch.

Mike’s Story

So right off the bad the guy’s got a huge advantage when it comes to picking up women, he relies heavily on his brawn and not so much his brain. Not saying that he’s all oatmeal north of his eyebrows, he just has an extra advantage that other people don’t. He’s the reason why when we were all in school that the girls would make it a point to get lost on the way to their next class and walk by the weight room asking for directions to a place they had been to every day for a damn year.

Yeah, his physique is a pretty big indicator to women right out of the gate that he’s going to be one to go after. Now why is that? Simple, and the shit goes back to the caveman times. You see, back then guys like Mike got all the women simply because they gave off the perception of having all the power. Just like now, the caveman version of Manly Mike may have been as dumb as a sack of hammers, but he didn’t need to be smart. You didn’t necessarily need smarts to take down an elk or some large furry killing machine with horns, you needed muscle. That exhibition of muscle wrestling a wild beast to the ground told all the cavewomen that they were going to get fed that night. Probably fucked too, and very well. Cave Mike as we will call him gave off every impression that he would have enough to go around for every bitch in the cave; leaving them feeling like they’ve been split in two.

His descendant Manly Mike is just the same, the women look at him and all those feeling that are built in women instinctively from eons ago start bubbling up inside them and they think, “that big son of a bitch is going to get me food and keep me safe from wild beasts, I better have sex with him”. You don’t exactly see women falling over Tom the Accountant, do you? No, you goddamn don’t!
So that’s the first thing that he relies where it pertains to his toolbox for picking up women. That stack of muscles on top of his muscles. Women see a guy with muscles like he has and they think that everything on Mike is as big as well. Because of those muscles, Mike’s able to catch those long passes of burst through a defensive line like he’s swinging a sledgehammer. Like I may have said, Herculean feats tend to go well with the women.

What’s Mike Really Like?

Contrary to popular belief, Mike isn’t exactly an asshole. If you look at Mike, he tends to be the most popular guy in a group. Just like in your teens, you hang around Mike long enough and you’re eventually going to get laid. Reason being is that he has it running hot and cold so much that eventually the women figure he’ll only be able to handle seven or eight of them at a time and start picking out which one of his friends they need to go after. This is where you come in. No shame in picking up the leftovers. Leftovers still keep your ass fed. Mike’s good like that, he’s willing to share.

Now, while he may not be the sharpest knife at times, doesn’t mean that he’s an idiot. He’s been with so many women that just from passive experience he will be free when it comes to dispensing the advice. Mike’s one of those guys that will sit you down under his learning tree and tell you what he thinks you need to know about women. The only problem with getting advice from a guy like Mike is that he’s only had to go about it one way. So he will give you some no nonsense advice but it will always lean towards macho. So what are you going to do if you’re not exactly the macho type?

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If you get advice from Mike, chances are there’s a nugget of information contained inside that will help you no matter what the situation is. His advice comes from a person that has the ultimate confidence because to him he’s never lost a fight. You see guys like Mike in professional boxing all the time. There’s a thousand Mike’s in the ring that have a long fight record but have never lost. They and all the other Mike’s of the world go into things with the belief that they are going to win every time. That’s why it’s so good to get advice from a Mike. He fully believes whatever he is going to tell you is going to work and in turn will get you to believe it will as well.

One thing about him is that he thinks he is smoother than a wet bar of soap. Why, because he’s never lost! That’s one thing that you might need to worry about when taking advice from Mike is that he thinks he’s smooth as silk. He might be seeming to get the women all the time, but you’re probably only around him when he has a woman on each arm and he’s just deciding which one to penetrate first.
In truth, he strikes out only slightly lower of an average as you or any other guy.

He’s still a guy on the inside, he’s just got the insulation of muscles on top of muscles. Which is why he carries on the air of being the smoothest guy in the room. He knows that eventually he will end up going home with somebody. He’s got the wits about him to know that some woman, any woman will go for any of the points I said about Mike earlier. Eventually he will end up with the girl so he can say whatever the hell he wants. He’s got an unfair advantage with all those damn muscles and thinks it’s just him being smooth. Truth is, Mike’s no smoother than the rest of us. Bastard’s just got a head start on us.

Mike’s Weaknesses?

Now, Mike’s never had a problem with women. He’s never cried into his pillow or spent a night out by himself while the rest of his friends figured out how to split a cab home from the bar six ways. He’s probably giggling like a frigging schoolgirl to himself when he sees the rest of us still at the bar trying to pick up his leftovers while he’s on the way back to the girl’s place. And yes, the girl will always offer to take Mike back to her apartment. That protection shit remember? Women want a big fucking ogre guarding the entrance to the cave.
This shows quite clearly that Mike has never had a problem when it comes to picking up women.

However, when it comes to holding onto them for more than a short period of time he drops the ball. The poor bastard just can’t hold onto a relationship to save his life.

The reason with Mike, as with most guys that rely on a muscular presence to be their sticking point to getting women is that they simply don’t have a goddamn thing to talk about. Sure, Mike may be great in bed and all but the woman wants to do something after sex that will make even Manly Mike cower in fear. They want to talk.

Yeah, after they’ve had it given to them good and solid by everyone, including Mike; women want to talk. Taking in oxygen and turning it into words seems to be their lifeblood. They want to talk about absolutely everything and anything. They may even want to talk about the sex they just had. They might even want to talk about some paper that they have to do as it goes for the college set. A poor bastard like Manly Mike, this is his Kryptonite. He’s just not that great with conversation.

He also suffers from a terrible lack of consideration for other people. This bleeds into the women that he has in his life. The reason is that he’s always had it come so easy to him that he takes the women in his life for granted. He knows that he’s always going to be able to find another one as quickly as the last one left so he misses little things. Mike’s not all that great with remembering birthdays, picking the girl up from work and making sure that the dinner reservations get made.

Mike’s obsessed like hell when it comes to his own figure, so he may do the most royal of screw-ups when it comes to a woman, he starts giving her advice about how she can make herself look better. Problem is, Mike’s the type of guy that doesn’t get to know women personally enough to realize that a lot of them stress about every aspect of their appearance that Mike saying it is usually the last straw for them with some of the bullshit they’ve had to deal with from his ass.


In closing, Mike’s not a bad guy. He’s just horribly misunderstood. He has a lot of advantages when it comes to his own ways of picking up women. The best thing to do when you get advice from a guy like this is pick it apart in your head and figure out what works for you. Because after all, there’s a bit of Manly Mike in all of us.

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