Wingman Wayne

wingman-wayne-300You know, I used to have a great deal of trouble when it came to getting with women.  I would continually make the mistake of thinking that on Friday night after getting out of work I could just wash the grime of my job off of my body.  I would pick the cleanest shirt I could find, regardless of whether the thing looked like the cleanup following a horrific traffic accident.  I would go out to the club and I would stand there the whole night like a wooden statue.  Wouldn’t get a second or even a first look from any women.

Now, it seems that for what was an eternity for me I had a friend that would get women quite regularly.  Sure, he struck out on a fairly consistent basis.  However, it was a hell of a lot less than what I was striking out.

Let’s put it to you this way, he was leaving the club with a woman more often than he wasn’t.  I eventually started hanging out with him a lot more and over time the number of women that I ended up going home with increased as well.  Want to tell you all about my good friend Wingman Wayne.

Who Is Wingman Wayne?

For those that don’t understand the concept of the wingman, let me outline it a little bit for you so you know how precious a friend like Wayne is to me and should be to you.  A wingman is always watching your back.  He’s the one making sure that you don’t make a great big dating mistake.  He’s also willing to sacrifice himself for the good of the group.

Which brings me to Wayne.  He’s probably one of the most all around intelligent people that you could ever meet.  He’s not a super genius, but he sure is no dummy.  He’s one of those guys that when you come to him for advice you know you’re not going to be steered wrong because what he is going to tell you is time tested and proven.

Besides, Wayne is your friend.  He doesn’t want to see you fall flat on your face.  He wants to see you leaving with a woman just like he’s going to.  So if you come to him asking how to get that girl sitting over at the table across from you guys with her friends to talk to you, he’ll tell you.

Wayne may even take a dive for you now and then.  What I mean by that is that a good wingman like Wayne knows when to sacrifice himself for the good of the group.  I remember one night Wayne and I were in some club and this girl was sitting not too far from us.  Gave me a silent signal of what was to go down so I knew when it was time for my cue.  He starts talking to this girl and starts getting really pervy.  I mean damn near criminal pervy.

What happened next was a misdirection play of absolute beauty.  The girl tried her best to be polite and just ignore Wayne.  He kept on her like nobody I’ve ever seen until she finally spoke up.  He started getting indignant and then tapped me on the foot with his.  The game was on.  I stepped in and told Wayne that he was acting like an asshole and that he needed to stop.

He told me to kiss his ass and kept talking to the woman almost to the point of being belligerent.  I waited for the right moment again.  This time I spun him around and told him in no uncertain terms that he needed to walk out of the club under his own power or I was going to make sure he left unconscious.  He said some shit and left.  I spent the rest of the night talking to the girl, mostly apologizing to her about my asshole friend.  Long story short, I ended up going home with her that night.

It was all a setup.  Wayne, like all good wingman know when it is their turn to take a dive and let one of his buddies take the really good looking woman home.  He will stop at nothing, and that includes pretending to almost get his ass kicked to help you get laid.  He’s pretty cool like that.

Wingman Wayne’s Advice?

Aside from staging fights to help you get laid, he actually does give good advice.  He’s not going to steer you wrong and tell you to go up to a woman and immediately start talking about how hot she is.  He knows that it’s the quickest way to get a woman to slap you so hard your grandparents feel it.  He’ll offer up something good like telling you to come with a joke.

You know, something lighthearted like that you’ve got two tickets to a movie and you bought one because you’re scared of the dark and need somebody to go there with you.  He’s a smart guy that Wayne.  He’s like a goddamn good advice dispensary and most of it usually seems to work.

You’ve probably noticed by now that a guy like Wayne isn’t the biggest guy around.  He’s probably of average height and weight, or might even be a little bit on the slight side.  But that doesn’t stop him in his never ending quest to get the both of you women to stay warm with on cold nights.  However, what he does have is a brain as big as all outdoors.  Because he didn’t get granted the physical gifts that some did, he’s had to alter his plan of attack to accentuate what he does have plenty of and that’s brains.

He reads and he is a great study of human nature.  While some guys are blindly going after women with no plan of attack or one that’s barely been thought out, he’s been casually sitting back watching those guys.  He’s been taking mental notes for years on what works and what doesn’t.  He’s seen the success and failure ratio of every dating technique and could almost tell you the exact things to say and for down to the words that are going to come out of a woman’s mouth twenty minutes into a conversation.

What’s Wingman Wayne Really Like

So he uses his head when it comes to dealing with women.  He’s that guy that you don’t think would be able to tell you anything on a football field for example, but in the end he turns out to be a great coach just from years of astute observation.  One of the great aspects of having a friend like Wingman Wayne is that he knows the million ways you can screw up and shows you what not to do.

When he gives advice, it’s not some generic crap out of a book that is catered towards a very generic clientele.  Say for example you’re one of those shy guys that isn’t really good at talking to women, but you’ve got this girl on the other side of the room that you’re into physically.  He’ll give you advice that will allow you to play to your strengths and not to your weaknesses.  He knows you may be terrible at initiating the conversation when you have to open with a cold hi and hello.

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One time, Wayne and I were pulling double wingman duty for a friend of ours that wouldn’t say anything to any woman for fear of rejection.  Aside from that, the guy was fine.  Nothing about him other than he was a shy fellow.  A guy like Wayne came up with a story like this for the guy.  He handed him a crumpled up dollar bill.  Thing looked like it had been chewed on by wild animals.  He told him to walk up to this girl that our friend wanted to talk to.

He instructed our friend to go up to the woman and say that the reason he came up to her was that he had this dollar that was crumpled to hell and if he would walk over to the jukebox with him and help him get the thing into the jukebox (everyone knows that messed up bills are almost impossible to get into one) that he would let her have one of the songs.  This in turn got them into a five minute conversation after they got the bill in the machine over which song she would pick.  The two of them with the ice finally broken and our friend busting through a glass ceiling of his own making ended up going out with this girl for quite the long time.  All the result of another foolproof, well thought out plan from Wingman Wayne.

But It Took Wingman Wayne A While To Master This…

All of this Yoda like knowledge didn’t come to Wayne easy.  Learning to become a good, qualified wingman took a lot of hard work and dedication.  He used to get rejected just as much as the next guy, probably more.  Hell, he may have been one of those guys that used to be a complete pig in his younger days, and quickly realized after a good while of going home by himself that whatever he was doing wasn’t working.  So he altered his path and eventually became the grand master that you and your friends know him as.

He probably had a wingman of his own that he studied under, and after enough time where he saw that what this guy was saying to him actually worked; he wanted to spread the good word to any other man that would listen.  Our basic instinct as males is to procreate, and on a base level what a good wingman is doing is trying to perpetuate the continuation of the species.  But as you may see it, he’s just trying to get you laid.  No harm in that right?

Now, thanks to years of hard work and training, he’s a modern day Cassanova.  He’s the guy that everyone thinks is going to get laid that night when they first see him walk into the room.  Most of the time they are right.  And Wayne will get you laid as well because he knows the pain of going home by yourself with nothing to keep you company but a stack of magazines and some sort of slick substance you picked up at the drugstore.  He can get just about any woman at any time, and will show you every trick in the book for you to be able to do the same on your own.


In closing, we all have a friend like Wingman Wayne.  We should all strive to be like him, because every guy that’s willing to try for it should be able to go home with any woman that they want.  You should listen to Wayne, all of his success has to speak for something.

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