4 Things Chicks Do That Drive Guys Batshit Insane

As much as men will profess to loving women and wanting to be around them, sometimes there are some things about them that we just cannot stand. Sure, everyone has their little quirks that bug you to the point of insanity. Women seem to have some universal traits that apply to practically all of them.

This isn’t saying you should stop your quest to be with as many women as possible. What I am trying to say is that there are some specific ones that you should be made very aware of that will probably happen with your next girlfriend. Here is a small sampling of them.

Asking Us What We’re Thinking
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Dear sweet Jesus, if this isn’t a set up I don’t know what is. The pretty annoying trait of women asking we men what we are thinking is just a way of them testing us. It’s their way of trying to trick us into admitting that we are not actually thinking about them every moment of the day. Maybe at that particular moment, we are thinking about what a dick our boss is and how we’d love to plastic wrap the toilet seat in his private bathroom.

This question could happen at any time. We could be on the drive back to her place after a wonderful evening out or it could be in the afterglow of some amazing sex. One word of note, if the first thing you are thinking about after sex is plastic wrapping your boss’ toilet seat; you might need to seek counseling.

Anyway, one minute we’re sitting there cuddling as the women often enjoy doing and out of nowhere we get hit unprepared with this question that women just can’t resist asking us. What’s the worst about it is that they say it so damn fast that we don’t even give a chance to properly answer. This question is often treated like the lightning round on an old game show. The woman will give you about two seconds to answer before she regards anything that comes out of your mouth as complete and total bullshit.

If there is any delay, you’ll likely be accused of either thinking about the last girl you were with or something that doesn’t directly have anything to do with her. Asking what we are thinking is a woman’s passive aggressive way of saying that you aren’t allowed to have any private thoughts unless they are about her.

Don’t believe me? Just wait until that moment of quiet comes when the two of you are together and she asks you. Go ahead, I dare you. Tell her how you were thinking about how you can’t understand how the water bill was double what it normally was even though the two of you went to the Caribbean for a week last month. See if she doesn’t get all pissy. It’s best to have a prepared statement memorized so when this question does come up you can get through the annoyance of having to answer if effortlessly. Just like when someone talks on a hostage video.

Using Sex As A Weapon

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Probably one of the most annoying things that a woman can do is deny her man of the sexual privileges that normally come with being in a relationship. Its one thing if she’s legitimate dead tired or sick or something, but if she’s fit as a goddamn fiddle and getting the Tylenol out and not taking them; she’s screwing with you instead of…well, you get the picture.

Women sometimes will close the doors to the funhouse for just about any reason. Some even revel in the fact that they can lock things up tighter than a drum and leave you unfulfilled for even the most silly of reasons. It’s the old bullshit of if we don’t do this thing they asked of us we’re not getting any sex from them. If women are going to stop us from doing something, they should not be withholding sex for Christ’s sake. Sex is one of the basic human needs along with air and food.

But they have no problems cutting their noses off to spite their faces to get back at us. It will usually be over the most ridiculous thing too. One time, I was at the point in the relationship with a girl where we had been living together for a couple of months. It was my turn to do the grocery shopping. One of the things on the list was trash bags. I quickly grab the first trash bags I can find and get the hell out of the store.

Fast forward to the next day, she’s giving me every indication that she wants to get down. Making a point to tell me she’s taking a hot bath after work, putting on the about to have sex perfume. Then, she pulls out a stack of books and starts reading. All night. I fall asleep wondering what the hell happened. Later on, she confesses to me that she did that because I bought the wrong garbage bags. This may be an excessively extreme example; but it goes to show that women will use sex as a weapon to coerce you into making the “right” decision.

Making An Anniversary Out Of Everything

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Seriously, what the hell is it with women that turn nice little moments into excessively overthought gift giving occasions? Women will take what we know as Thursday and turn it into some anniversary of something.

The list is nearly endless. It could be the thirty day anniversary of when we first said hello to each other. I could be the first anniversary of our first date. It could be her dog’s birthday even though nobody really knows for certain when the dog was actually born. We’ll come home from a normal day at work and be met with a candle light dinner and have not the slightest clue why. We don’t know if they have some big announcement to make concerning the state of the relationship, or if they found out something that’s good news for us that we have no damn clue about. But you can bet that it’s probably the anniversary of something.

Now, it’s one thing to celebrate the six month anniversary of when we first went out but women seriously can’t expect us to remember certain things like that. There’s certain dates that are hardwired into our brains to remember. Birthdays, actual anniversaries, shit like that. But if a woman gets mad because you forgot the date that you first liked one of her photos on Instagram, she needs a couch and a shrink right away.

It is plenty enough for us to remember real milestone occasions as opposed to ones that only our woman particularly celebrates. After all, the Hallmark store doesn’t exactly have that big of a pet birthday card selection.

You want to blow a woman’s mind that’s obsessed with making an anniversary out of everything? Tell her the following. If she gets pissed because you forgot your two month anniversary, just tell her that you think of the relationship in more than sixty day cycles. That kind of shit will make her melt like the stock in a Death Valley ice cream shop.

Incessant Talking

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I hear a figure once that stated that it’s estimated that women say around twenty thousand words a day. Which is more than double what men are figured on uttering. We as guys should understand that sometimes women just need to get the chattering the hell out of their systems. However, there’s a time and a place and sometimes it just isn’t the right place for the talkathon to commence.

I mean, your woman may stay quiet through a time where her voice would be a welcome addition to the conversation. However, sometimes she’ll bust out every one of her twenty thousand a day at the most inopportune times. Guys, we’ve generally agreed upon certain times that women should just leave us the heck alone.

Like my dad for example. When I was a young man, my father had a workshop in the garage where he made letterboxes. Just gave them out as presents and whatnot. Not once did my mother ever actually go into the garage while he was at work on these mailboxes. The reasoning was that she knew that if she wanted his undivided attention on a given topic that she needed to expound upon, she was going to have to give him a proportionate amount of time to saw boards in half in peace.

Women that are smart will know that if they keep on going every possible minute until they are blue in the face, we simply won’t listen to them because we’re caught up in the sheer volume of words coming up at us at once.

Take for example two types of bosses you’ve probably had at work. You’ve got one boss that yells all the goddamn time, and you’ve got one that only raises his voice when shit is really going south. Which one are you more likely to listen to seriously? If you said the second one you are right. That’s simply because how are you supposed to believe that a situation where yelling is warranted is really that when somebody is yelling all the time?

It’s the same way they don’t want us rambling on about athletes that they don’t have the foggiest idea about. We will sit and listen about how they are mad at this girl at work for pulling some stupid shit, but we certainly don’t want nor need to hear the entire five year backstory about why this woman was an idiot.

I knew a guy once that solved this problem with the following solution and perhaps you can put it to good use. Once you are with a woman, make a general rule that the last thirty minutes of the day is a zone where no story can go beyond one minute. That way you don’t feel like you’re being forced to stay awake from some long winded bullshit story about the dress that was on sale that fifteen girls were all fighting for and then one of them snatched it out of the other girl’s hand and then somebody got punched and….well, you get the idea.


The simplest way to ensure that certain things like this don’t happen to you? The first time that any of them come up, let the woman know that whatever she is doing isn’t cool with you. Respecting boundaries goes both ways.

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