How To Talk Dirty To Girls

1. Naughty

You: What are you doing? I bet you’re doing something naughty aren’t you?


You: Stop being such a naughty girl and give me the answer I want or I’ll have to spank you.

2. Bad Girl Or Good Girl

You: Have you been a good girl or a bad girl? Because if you’ve been behaving, then let’s hangout on Friday, otherwise I’m going to have to there to punish you.

3. Something Your Parents Would Disapprove Of

You:  What are we going to do? Of course we’re going to do something that your parents would disapprove of. I hope you are adventurous.

4. Wake The  Neighbours

You: Let’s go and do something fun that will really piss off your neighbours.

5. Do Ungodly Things

You: I know that you’re thinking of doing ungodly things to me right now, but please, it’s not late enough in the day for you to be thinking like that.

6. Let Your Imagination Run Wild

You: Please, don’t let your imagination run wild, I do not want to do what you’re thinking of doing.

7. Snuggle Together… More Than Just Snuggling

You: Ok sure, if you’re good, we can snuggle together, but make sure you do not do anything more than snuggling.

8. Let’s Cuddle Together

You: We can go back to my place and just cuddle

9. Promise We’ll Only Just Snuggle And Hold Hands

You: Sure, we can go back to my house, but promise me we’ll just snuggle and hold hands ok?

10. Do Things That Your Ex BF Would Be Jealous About

You: Let’s annoy your ex and do things he’d be jealous about.

11. If It’s Good… Then You Get A Reward

You: Cool, you said something really funny, so you get a reward that will bring you pleasure.

12. If It’s Bad, Then There Are Punishments!

You: Sounds good, you can set up (whatever) and if it’s good you get a reward that will bring you pleasure. But if it’s bad, then there a punishments!

13. As Long As You…

  1. As long as you don’t get any wrong ideas
  2. As long as you keep your hands to yourself
  3. As long as you don’t rape me
  4. As long as you keep your pants on
  5. As long as you don’t kiss me
  6. As long as you don’t seduce me
  7. As long as you’re a good girl
  8. As long as you give me a massage

14. You’re Her Sex Object

These lines work because you are saying what girls would say and it creates humour and allows you to talk about sex directly. All you need to do is accuse HER of being the pervert wanting to get you into bed.

You: Hey, stop looking at me that way, like I’m just a piece of meat or a sex object. I am a human being with emotions too!


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You: Stop looking at me that way and undressing me with your eyes, you pervert!


You: OMG, I am feeling so vulnerable right now. You’re literally undressing me with your mind and I can’t do anything about it!


You: (when she touches you) ARE YOU GROPING ME?


You: Why are you making me think of perverted things? You’re corrupted!


You: GEEZ! No woman! Keep  your clothes on we’re in public in you know!


You: Ha, don’t get any wrong ideas, I’m not THAT easy to get into bed.


You: Seriously, if you keep hitting on me, I think I’ll have to get a restraining order on you.


You: You do know it’s rude to totally check me out like that you know.


You: It’s ok, you don’t need to impress me. You’re just not my type. Sorry.


You: You should stop flirting with me and get back to your friends.


You: Do you always do this or is it just me?


You: Don’t think I know don’t what you’re trying. You’re trying to get me drunk then you’ll take advantage of me.


You: Look, no matter how sexy you look at me, I’m just not going to have sex with anyone today.


You: Whoa! SLOW DOWN! You move way too fast. We haven’t even had a date yet.

15. The Question game

You: You and I are going to play the question game. This is like true or dare, except without the dare because I don’t know you yet and you might be some freak.

  1. Rule one – I make the rules up as I go and you have to do as I say
  2. Rule two – you can’t ask the same question asked
  3. Rule three – you have to let the skeletons out of the closet
  4. Rule four – you have to go first (she’ll always say “no you go first” then you follow on with Rule five)
  5. Rule five – don’t break the rules, you’re already breaking the rules already

Then say “ok fine, I’ll start, how many boyfriends have you had” (this also leads into a sexual thread – you can start talking about sex right after this). The reason for this is because once she answers, she can’t ask the same question to you again. If she does, you can say “it’s the same question, since I’m not gay, it’s the same question so you can’t ask that”

You can ask her anything, and then finally once you have rapport you can use the mystery kiss close as disguised question to close her.

Mystery’s kiss close goes like this:

You: blah blah blah… so would you like to kiss me?

  • Response A: Yes (if so, then you move in to kiss her – this rarely happens!)
  • Response B: maybe (if so, then you say: “let’s find out” then you move in to kiss her)
  • Response C: No (if so, then you say: “I didn’t say you could, it just looked like you wanted me to, wow your ex boyfriends must have really hated you for killing such a romantic atmosphere”). Make sure you make fun of her after that.

16. Pervert In The Tree

You: Hey, I was having a shower last night and I SWEAR I saw someone in the tree staring at me. Do you have a sister cos she looked EXACTLY like you. I hope you had a good look you perv because that’s all you’re going to get!

17. You Taste So Good.

After you kiss her.

You: Ooops.. You better keep your tongue inside your mouth. I know I taste so good but you’re not my type.

18. You Can’t Have Me Anyway You Want

You: Do not be too confident, you can’t have me anyway you want. I am not exclusively yours. Stop being so corrupted!

19. If The Girl Plays With You

If the girl is playing along with your games and playfully punches you, say this:

You: Wow, is that your way of foreplay? Because, I like it rough too!

Then it’s your turn to tickle her.

20. Dear Diary

You: I know you’re going to go home and write in your diary “Dear Diary, today I met the CUTEST GUY EVER! I want to cuddle him like a teddy bear and tickle him on the stomach. I so want to take him home and have him sleep beside me”. Look girl, I’m not some kind of sex toy ok? I have feelings too!

21. Free Access

You: Since you’re so awesome, you get a reward! I am giving your hands full access on anything they want to touch as long as it’s on me. You also get to put me in a blind fold too!

22. Slave For The Day

You:  I am your slave for today.  I am for your disposal so command me and I shall serve you with fervor. As in anything you would want me to do within the walls of this room only. I guess we start with your feet. Let me massage them.












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